Time never moves for Mikkel.

Every day is July 27th.

On the nights when Mikkel felt the loneliest, he took long walks near the rural property of his home. The sounds of the night keep him at peace and the moonlight keeps him company while crickets chirp in the background.

It doesn’t always work however. And tonight the feelings of grief refused to leave his mind and chest. He had made the decision to turn back.

A once bright and colourful property, he hasn’t cared for his home in weeks. The lawn was looking overgrown and the weeds over-took the property. The rooms were not clean or dusted and dishes overflowed the tiny stainless steel sink. Out back, his home looked out towards the sea where his small boat, his once pride and joy and fit for two, had been left to rot and tied to the wooden dock. Nearly everyday he spends his money away on food he’ll never eat and booze he drinks too much of. He’s run out of glasses to use so he’s made things worse for himself by drinking straight from the bottle.

The home always remains dark. The light nowadays seems to hurt his eyes and only agitates him more. There are only two things in the home that remain spotless—the phonograph and the framed image of Eduard that he keeps by his side; currently sitting lonesome on a table next to Mikkel’s favourite lounge chair.

It’s been three weeks since Eduard left him. Mikkel could only blame himself. It was always his fault.

Eduard was scheduled to catch an early morning train for a business trip but his taxi was a no-show.

“Let’s take my car!” he had told him. “I’ll drive ya there.”

“Are you sure? I can take a later train. I’ll still make it on time for the evening if I leave later in the morning.”

“Don’t worry about it!” Mikkel winked. Even though Eduard was taller than him by only a small inch or two, Mikkel loved wrapping his arms around Eduard’s waist from behind and resting his head against his shoulder. “You said you wanted to see the sights and brush up on your notes before tomorrow’s meeting right? I’ll make sure that happens.”

That memory plays on constant loop his mind. If only he had taken his advice, Eduard would still be in his arms at this very moment, in the same way he had always done. The physical scars still remained throughout his body after another driver rode in the wrong lane at high speed. The doctors told him that he was lucky to be alive. They couldn’t understand why Mikkel questioned them.

“Why are you not happy that you survived? And in good health? Think of all the things that you didn’t get to do before, you can do now.”

He remembered staring blankly at the doctors and spoke with honesty. The things he wanted to do were ripped from him the second the other vehicle made contact with theirs. He wished he had died with Eduard that day. It would have been less painful than to lie in that bed and let his mind destroy him from the inside. The doctors left uncomfortably. They barely spoke to him again after that. They did not wish him well after he was released several days later.

It didn’t take him long to go through two bottles of beers. He was already working on the third.

Mikkel’s eyes were dark and baggy and his once wild but tamed blond hair was messy, unkempt, and dirty. His clothes were saggy and worn out. He stares at the photo of his lover, Eduard Tamm. He was a charmer with eyes that he had never seen before. His blond hair was lighter than his and he always took such good care of it. He loved the feel of his hair against his finger tips. Books were Eduard’s best friend and he loved to learn new things. He was studious and seemed to have an answer for everything. Despite coming from a family with little money, Eduard still managed to make himself look rich and attractive as if he had the funds to flaunt around. But all in all, his favourite thing was his kind heart. No one was left behind on his watch and everything he did was with someone in mind. Eduard was also gifted with the power of song. He bought a piano just for Eduard and they’d play together every night, all while Eduard would make Mikkel’s heart flutter each time he sang.

Eduard was perfect in every way.

Mikkel had many lovers over the years and they were all replaceable. But the emptiness that Eduard left was nothing he had ever felt before. They were supposed to have a future together. Why did God have to take him of all men?

Three beers became four, and four became five, five to six. Six beers would have be nothing for him but he is not a young man anymore. He can’t finish it off completely without feeling like he was going to vomit. He slouches in his chair with the bottle dangling from his fingertips. He decided to try to sleep it off; it was almost midnight and his eyes were heavy from the lack of sleep. Maybe if he was lucky, he would get to hold Eduard in his dreams like he once did.

What a wonderful dream that would be, he thought to himself. Mikkel sinks back into his chair once more with a heavy groan. The last thing he saw before succumbing to his slumber was the photo of Eduard laying next to him. It doesn’t take long before the bottle finally slips from his fingers and the last of its contents spill all over the flower-patterned rug beneath him.

It was exactly three in the morning. The chimes eerily struck from the grandfather clock standing next to the fireplace and rustled Mikkel out of his sleep. The clock was never supposed to strike at three.

A technical error? The most likely possibility. It was an old clock that was passed down from his grandfather to his father, and now to him. He doesn’t remember the last time he had this massive fixture serviced. But Mikkel didn’t have the energy at this hour to figure things out. The effects of the alcohol had barely passed and his head was throbbing. Trying to sleep now was going to be next to impossible, but isn’t as if he had anything else to do.

The full moon is exceptionally bright tonight. She shines her light through the thin white sheers, leaving her mark on the living room’s dusty wooden floors. A shadow walks amongst that light.

It doesn’t dare make a sound as it crept up to Mikkel’s exhausted body. It raises its hand and gently runs its fingers through the man’s hair.

Mikkel’s eyes flew open with a loud gasp, as if the man had experienced an electrical shock throughout his whole body. His breathes were quick and sharp when his eyes locked with what was above him. A tall man, clear as day, with the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. He was well-groomed with neat and short blond hair and an expensive looking black suit and dark blue tie, complete with black framed glasses.

He looked just like the photo of Eduard Tamm. Only this time, there was no smile—Eduard appeared rather dreary. Mikkel was too shocked to fully process what he was witnessing.

“Eduard?” Mikkel quietly said in a shaky tone.

“Mikkel...” it had replied. Mikkel had lost control of himself and begun to cry. The voice was exactly like Eduard’s. It was Eduard.

Mikkel couldn’t stop himself from pouring his heart out to him.

“Why Eduard? Why did it have to be you of all people? This place I bought for us was our dream home. We were going to be a family, sail the seas, and grow old. Everything I see reminds me of ya, and it only makes things worse.”

“I miss ya. I’m so lonely without you.”

Mikkel’s emotional outburst had a profound effect on Eduard. He shed tears of his own but did not cry openly like Mikkel had done. That was always his style. No matter how bad things were, Eduard always seemed to remain composed. It almost felt like a moment of comfort for Mikkel to see such a familiar sight.

But Eduard pulled himself away and stared at him with such a depressed look. Mikkel became anxious and tried to reach out to him.

“Please talk to me Eduard. You came here for a reason didn’t ya?”

Eduard didn’t reply and instead walked away towards the door. In a panic, Mikkel rose (albeit awkwardly) from his lounge chair. The door opened on its own and the moonlight flooded in. Mikkel could not stand well and needed the chair to support his balance. But he could see Eduard looking back at him and encouraging him to come closer as the man indicated with the use of his left hand.

Eduard walked out the door and Mikkel chose to follow, just as he wanted him too. But Mikkel could barely walk and his eyes were red and blurry. He had drank so much that he stumbled his way around the living room, tripping on one of the beer bottles laying about and hitting his head against the floor.

But Mikkel was stubborn and determined to follow Eduard outside.

He crawled the rest of the way through and helped himself up using the door and its frame as extra support. In the distance, Eduard slowly walked towards the sea. For the first time, he heard Eduard belt out a tune.

Come with me, my love, to the sea...
The sea of love

That song, Mikkel recalled, was one of the songs that he used to sing to Eduard. He had a vinyl recording of the song and often played it late in the evenings when they winded down from the long day. He didn’t consider himself a good singer but Eduard always appreciated being serenaded to, even joining in at times with that perfect voice of his.

It was supposed to be a source of joy for the two of them. But way Eduard belted the tune, it gave off such a dark and somber vibe. It was almost too painful to hear him sing this way.

Mikkel continued to follow Eduard. Though the man walked at such a sluggish pace, Mikkel could never seem to keep up with him. They always seemed to be miles apart.

Eduard ended his walk at the edge of the dock and his voice has gone silent once more. He stared Mikkel down when he stumbs his way down the long hill barefooted. They are now at opposites ends of the dock. The moon is their witness and the sea is unusually calm for such a blue night.

“Eduard...” Mikkel whispers as he gradually walks over. Their bodies are close and Mikkel caresses Eduard’s cheek. He felt so warm; the squeeze Eduard gave as he gripped Mikkel’s arm made it seem as if he had never left this world at all.

“Do you trust me?” Eduard asks.

“Yes,” Mikkel replied. “Forever and always.”

Nothing more was said when Eduard wrapped his arms around Mikkel and their lips were sealed with a kiss. Mikkel was unintentionally rough with Eduard. His lips were so warm and tender and he was losing control in the sweet sensation of the moment. He missed this feeling so much, so hungry for it. Letting go was just not possible.

He was so lost in the moment that Mikkel never felt himself being pulled into the sea, a call that came too late for the man. And worst of all, Eduard was no where to be seen.

Mikkel was a strong swimmer. He had swum all his life and the water was a second home to him. But he could barely see with his vision failing and his baggy clothing constricted him a great deal. He tried to rip apart his buttoned up shirt so he’d have better chances of swimming to the surface but was struggling. He simply didn’t the strength for the fight to survive. Time was running out but he never realized how close he was to his prized fishing boat and his head made contact on the side of the tiny vessel. Mikkel’s world had gone black. The sea became his permanent home.

Do you remember when we met?
That’s the day I knew you were mine
I wanna tell you how much I love you

Eduard’s voice echoed from the depths of the sea and he caught a body sinking further down. He squeezed the man’s hand as he held him close. He looked up towards the light. The moonlight was there to guide them to their new home, to eternal life together.

“I’m sorry for doing this Mikkel. But I couldn’t watch you like this anymore.”

Eduard watched as Mikkel’s fingers move ever so slowly and they wrap around his hand. He gave him a joyous smile.

“I can’t wait to spend my life with you, just like we planned.”